Absolutely feeling like shit today. Not necessarily physically (other than being intensely sleepy, that is) but just… shit. The only way I can really explain it is that I’m under a black cloud..  :/

I’ve got counselling later, but I don’t know whether to go or not: if I was in a mood to talk, the main thing that’s still buzzing round my head at the moment is all this Damo drama, which we discussed endlessly last week. Now considering that I only get 5 sessions and I’ve already used up 3, then I hardly want to waste one on a day where I’m not really in the mood for talking to begin with, and where I’d basically be repeating myself. I’d rather wait a week and use the session to help me with something real, something that isn’t theoretically resolved by changing relationship status.

So I think I’ll cancel that and try and focus instead on getting myself out of this funk.

Damo-wise, I’d said I’d go with him for his operation later, but he said last night that he didn’t need me there: which is good, not only am I reluctant to leave the bed for anything other than chocolate and bacon (chocolate bacon?) but I’m not very comfortable with the idea of seeing him today. I kind of feel guilty either way, but at least this way I get to 1) stay in bed and 2) save money on bus fares. I kind of feel like a dick for some reason, but I think that that’s more because he hasn’t been awful to me over the last few days (that being said, we’ve barely spoken the last two, I guess that would help) but then again it’s probably the black cloud stirring up random negative emotions that I’m assuming are targeted at what’s going on with Damo.

This is when I could use having my girls around me: 1) to help me make sense of this, 2) to help pull me out of this funk, and 3) to go with me to the shops to buy pop, sweets and ice cream and consume them with me so I don’t feel like a fatass >.<